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your ass is grass and i'm gonna mow it

agirlnamedagnes:

This is what my husband and I purchased at the grocery store the other day.

We don’t have kids.

We are adults. We pay bills.
And drink water from a whale.

hanscrotch:

when the vending machine won’t take the dollar

third-personomniscient:

nothinbutmaggotybread:

when i see a cute boy

image

I’m on mobile and I was in no way ready for that image when it loaded

poulersour:

I know Free! might be confusing to the uninitiated, so I made a helpful table describing the characters:

image

laffforever:

overprotective brother finds a new victim

“I am jealous of those who think more deeply, who write better, who draw better, who look better, who live better, who love better than I.”

-  Sylvia Plath (via naomilku)

ccranky:

some kid watching yaoi at the ymca 

I found a copy of the Twilight AU that became 50 Shades of Grey. ▷

yggdrasilly:

ryeisenberg:

ryeisenberg:

  • It’s called Master of the Universe.
  • It was originally published on Fanfiction.net (aka where fanfiction goes to die).
  • E.L. James’ pen name was Snowqueens Icedragon because of course it was.
  • Snowqueens Icedragon does not use quotation marks. 
  • She does, however, make up expressions like "my very small inner goddess sways in a gentle victorious samba" and “I can almost hear his sphinx-like smile through the phone.”
  • They spend more time filling out sex-related paperwork than they do actually having sex.
  • This is my reaction to all of the sex scenes:
  • image

  • Because the human body doesn’t work like that
  • This is my reaction to everything else:
  • image

  • Because the english language doesn’t work like that.

The 50 Shades of Grey trailer just dropped, so here’s a link to the original Twilight fanfiction that the book is “based” off of, because if you’re gonna read the book before you see the movie you might as well read it in its original format. 

Good lord why?! This is absolutely awful. The use of “English” is incredibly painful to read, regardless of the content.

askinnyblackman:

things i used to laugh at

  • actual jokes

things i laugh at now

  • yard sard

trait:

when you meet a canadian and start a conversation

image

jaclcfrost:

i’m afraid to talk to a majority of my mutuals because it’s like

i love u

u are cool

i do not want to scare u away

what if i scare u away

nfour:

rh1tard:

this is beautiful and every person who didn’t get what they wanted tonight should reblog this.

Omg

basedpidgeot:

stop enforcing the idea that u need 2 be in a relationship 2 be happy sometimes u just need more cereal